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How To Overcome Fear And Achieve Goals

It’s the conversation you dreading with your boss, spouse, neighbor, or teenager. It’s something you’ve avoided for a long time. But, this time, it’s too important to speak up.

Everybody experiences fear of confrontation at one time or another. It is part of being human and communicating with other people. While some anxiety is normal about having difficult conversations, fear of confrontation at a level that prevents you from speaking up will lead to more problems than one.

My biggest loss is in how you think about yourself, your self-worth and your confidence.

How can you overcome your fear of confrontation?

Here are some steps to get over your fear of confrontation

  1. Shift the script

It all starts with facing your definition of “confrontation”.

Are you convinced that it is an act of aggression? Are you ready to fight where there is only one winner? Do you know that confrontation can only lead to negative reactions, hurt feelings and many regrets?

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Merriam-Webster defines confrontation as “a face to face meeting” or “the clashing or idea of forces.

The expectation of negative outcomes can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead of focusing on all possible disasters, how about a different approach to confrontation? You can overcome your fear of confrontation by changing the narrative and viewing it from a positive perspective.

At its core, confrontation is nothing more than communicating opposing views or ideas. When we view confrontation as a healthy debate, but instead as an escalating emotion, losing control and an inevitable win-lose scenario, the fear of confrontation is present. The best way to express yourself is not to be afraid of confrontation.

Before you communicate with someone or a group, get to know your beliefs and understandings about the situation. You must ensure that you don’t start in a negative situation. Your attitude towards the encounter will determine how it turns out.

  1. Have fun “Rocking the Boat”.

After you have reframed what confrontation should be, you can decide to “rock the boat” and have fun.

You can only get what you ask for if you are willing to ask and believe you will receive it. Although you can’t control what the other person brings to the table, you cannot ask for it. You’ll continue to get what you’ve always gotten if you do the same thing.

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Why not approach the confrontation with more humor and light-heartedness? Laughter is a powerful tool for elevating moods and stress relief. It also strengthens your intimacy and connections with others. [2]

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Here are some tips to help you face your fears

  • Ask questions from others out of curiosity and not to point fingers. Listen to others’ points of view and consider their perspective. You might find something that resonates with you and something you haven’t considered before.
  • Remember that not everything is “black and white.” It would help if you remembered that other people are also trying to understand your message. Do not get discouraged if others don’t “get it.” It is your responsibility to ensure that what you communicate is accurate.
  • Have a good time sharing a joke about something you have in common. No matter how heated the situation, there is always more to us than we know.

It’s a great game that will relieve your fear of confrontation. Take turns sharing your points of view. After one person has finished speaking, they ask the other to tell them, “What did you hear?” Then, the other party summarizes what they heard.

Once they have nailed it, it is their turn to express their opinions. If they don’t agree, they can continue to speak until the speaker gives them the “yes, exactly what I said” nod. Although this may seem absurd initially, it is a great way to see how simple misunderstandings can easily be remediated before they escalate into a confrontation.

  1. Please, Overcome your Need for People

Fear of confrontation is more about you than the people you interact with. People-pleasing and conflict avoidance are closely linked to children. People-pleasing can be defined as the desire to please others and earn approval. 

As adults, we fear speaking up after growing up in a dismissive and hypercritical world. It’s safer to remain silent than speak out.

This is the future, not what was possible back then. It’s time for you to show the little child you used to be (and still within you) that you are an adult. You have a voice. Your thoughts have value. You matter.

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It is time to disappoint people deliberately. It sounds crazy, yes? It works, trust me.

It’s empowering to practice your voice in situations and with people that are not as difficult. It is powerful to tell someone “no, we won’t” or “unfortunately,” even if you could do what they ask. This is great practice for those times when it really matters.

The power of saying no is a powerful tool. Why? Why?

You gain confidence when you receive positive affirmation rather than a frightening response.

Let’s suppose your partner asks for your help to get their dry clean. You could. You could, but instead of saying yes, even though it would be easy, say no. “Oh, no, I won’t be able.” If you don’t want to explain, it’s okay to say so. “I have plans after work, and won’t go to that area of town.”

Although the thought of not pleasing your partner may make you feel a little anxious, try it. You’ll soon see that you have power and that your partner will accept your response.

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You can bring those empowering experiences to a more emotionally charged conversation to help you find the courage to speak up and not be afraid of confrontation. It takes practice to overcome the fear of conflict. Baby steps can help you get there.

It is possible to overcome your fear of confrontation. Communication with another person or group is worth having, even though there may be times when confrontations occur. It is worth learning to overcome your fear of confrontation. Change your mind, have fun, and work on your ability to be kind to others. It’s about making the first steps and putting these tips into action.


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